This is my life right now, I am on a wheel. I do the same things over and over again through the week in hopes of doing something more later on. A trained monkey could do my job, in fact many do, at least they act like monkeys most of the time.
It is the weekend, and I am on a completely different schedule than everyone else is. I just awoke, and am contemplating what to do for the rest of my day. Last night the only real human interaction I had was when I went to Wal-mart at four in the morning. How do these people do it? How do they work the graveyard shift and barely see the sun, or anyone else?
At almost midnight I went to run on the track, another squeaky wheel. I was running for a little over thirty minutes listening to the Kings of Leon on my Zune when the wind picked up from behind me, and blew me with it's cold hand, back inside my dorm.
I got on audible.com and listened to Thus Spoke Zarathustra for five hours, the translation was a little indigestible, I might actually have to read it after all.
I think I might take up drawing again in this downtime.
I slept and dreamed. The dream was that I was driving, not in my Volvo, but in my first vehicle. The 1978 Ford F250 with the home-made flatbed, leaky gas tank and rusted out floorboard. I was driving hwy 86 from Bates Corner in Cassville, going to college. I kept wondering why it was so dark, there was no moon, no other light. I could only distinguish the road because it was the only spot the trees didn't cover. I knew the road and every turn by heart without looking, I'd been here many times before. Finally I had the realization that my headlights weren't working. My dad showed up in my dream with lights, only was more of an antagonist than a hero with lights. He was angry that I didn't realize they were going to go out. He didn't fix the problem, I ended up having to hold (in my dream) a square foglight to find the road. I awoke.
Feb 21, 2009
Feb 18, 2009
Standing in the Balance
I momentarily find myself standing on the balance of believing. It is the same place where an agnostic would stand but the difference is I actually do care about whether there is or is not a God. This is something that could never be proven one way or another, The closest we can come is to try to find an explanation for the existence of the universe. Is it Big Bang, or Creator, Microevolution or Macroevolution?
I want to believe that there is a creator, and that somewhere in there he actually cares about us, more than just a kid watching an ant farm.
I would like to believe that every animal was created, and then evolved in it's own species, to where it is today. That is T. Huxley's contribution to evolution called microevolution. I also find this the most emperical way of thinking, since currently there are no records of cross special jumps in fossil form.
I find that there is a huge intellectual backwater existing about these theories, since off of one hinges Christianity, and many other world religions, and off of the other atheism. I am not concerned about proving right any religion, just the existance or belief in something greater than ourselves.
I also think that energy is interesting, that almost mystical force which holds us all together. Without energy, or these little ions that are attracted to each other, we would fall apart and not just we, everything. We are constantly energetically wrapped up with the world and all of the rest of existance, these little ions, constantly being attracted to everything and everyone else. In theory there isn't a person out there whom we have not shared this energy with.
I also want to believe in freedom, or basically free will. I find that a lot of people are wrapped up in trying to find thier own meanings, but for some reason think that meaning comes from a source outside of themselves. These people are constantly looking for others to guide them to this meaning, instead of searching their own hearts.
I want to believe that there is a creator, and that somewhere in there he actually cares about us, more than just a kid watching an ant farm.
I would like to believe that every animal was created, and then evolved in it's own species, to where it is today. That is T. Huxley's contribution to evolution called microevolution. I also find this the most emperical way of thinking, since currently there are no records of cross special jumps in fossil form.
I find that there is a huge intellectual backwater existing about these theories, since off of one hinges Christianity, and many other world religions, and off of the other atheism. I am not concerned about proving right any religion, just the existance or belief in something greater than ourselves.
I also think that energy is interesting, that almost mystical force which holds us all together. Without energy, or these little ions that are attracted to each other, we would fall apart and not just we, everything. We are constantly energetically wrapped up with the world and all of the rest of existance, these little ions, constantly being attracted to everything and everyone else. In theory there isn't a person out there whom we have not shared this energy with.
I also want to believe in freedom, or basically free will. I find that a lot of people are wrapped up in trying to find thier own meanings, but for some reason think that meaning comes from a source outside of themselves. These people are constantly looking for others to guide them to this meaning, instead of searching their own hearts.
Feb 12, 2009
In the Spirit of V-Day
This all started at work today. My friend "Duck" as we call him always tries to figure out why I'm still single, and he has pretty much determined that it is my choice. Then he decides to try to look for guys to set me up with and I give him a list of qualities of what I'm looking for. Here is the list:
Roughly between 25 and 35 (although there are guys that are mature for their age and some that are young for their age, so someone that is not too far behind me in maturity level, and someone who isn't so far ahead that I wouldn't be able to connect.)
Smart
Cultured
Fit (healthy, and able to keep up on those long runs or bike rides)
Physically attractive(I always find guys with short dark hair and sideburns attractive)
And emotionally intelligent (at least somewhat)
That is the list! (at least what I've decided to write down)
Duck thinks that it is way too much to ask for that a guy be "emotionally intelligent" and started randomly asking guys that were around if they even knew what that meant. So far its 6 and 0 out of all the maintainers I work with that got polled. One of the guys said he knew what it meant but couldn't put it into words, so in Duck's eyes that one doesn't count.
I've decided to go out on V-day on Duck's advice, supposedly all the single guys will be out looking for "a quick hook up".
Why is it that unavaliable men always seem more attractive? I think this goes for both sexes (men find unavailble women more attractive also).
Roughly between 25 and 35 (although there are guys that are mature for their age and some that are young for their age, so someone that is not too far behind me in maturity level, and someone who isn't so far ahead that I wouldn't be able to connect.)
Smart
Cultured
Fit (healthy, and able to keep up on those long runs or bike rides)
Physically attractive(I always find guys with short dark hair and sideburns attractive)
And emotionally intelligent (at least somewhat)
That is the list! (at least what I've decided to write down)
Duck thinks that it is way too much to ask for that a guy be "emotionally intelligent" and started randomly asking guys that were around if they even knew what that meant. So far its 6 and 0 out of all the maintainers I work with that got polled. One of the guys said he knew what it meant but couldn't put it into words, so in Duck's eyes that one doesn't count.
I've decided to go out on V-day on Duck's advice, supposedly all the single guys will be out looking for "a quick hook up".
Why is it that unavaliable men always seem more attractive? I think this goes for both sexes (men find unavailble women more attractive also).
Feb 11, 2009
Taking a break
So, I noticed it has been a while since I have posted anything. I've been extremely busy lately with online college, and full time extended hours military stuff. Right now I'm kind of in between semesters, or terms. Hopefully I will have this thing done by next spring! I really don't feel like writing a lot now because I just got done with my final papers...so I'm taking a break. :)
Nov 25, 2008
I'm Back
Thats right, after a long break from blogging, I've regained my password after google took over and I'm back. So here I am, Knob Knoster MO, in the Air Force. I recently finished training, except for OJT of course, and I'm back in college-next week, but this time the Military is paying for it. Tomorrow is the start of my Thanksgiving Break, no turkey for me this year, maybe some Tofurkey. :)
Oct 19, 2008
Oct 13, 2008
Oct 12, 2008
Jan 27, 2008
Nov 14, 2007
Nov 12, 2007
This is where I go to school behind the formation, and this is how I get to school every day. I like the fact that there is a navy guy pulling a little red wagon by the formation.
Nov 10, 2007
Nov 9, 2007
Nov 4, 2007
Oct 28, 2007
forks in the road
Its interesting where life takes you, when I was starting this blog I was in College in Branson, then moved to Oklahoma, then to Springfield, then back to Branson for about a year. I was working at this hotel as a desk clerk when I decided to join the Air Force. Now I'm an A1C (E3) in the air force going to tech school in Pensacola Florida at NAS. I'm liking it so far, and hating the retardedness of it all, the rules which make no sense at all (some of them). I'm ready to go home and see my family, I haven't seen them since March, yeah its almost November. I'm living in a dorm and am fed, but I still seem to find a way to spend all of my paycheck. Arrgh!
It will be exciting to see where this takes me. Maybe I'll find something to write about.
It will be exciting to see where this takes me. Maybe I'll find something to write about.
Oct 29, 2006
Mar 13, 2006
Tornadoes!!!!
Yeah, so I made it through all the wacky tornadic weather last night! For the first warning I decided that I didn't want to be in a house that was powered by gas in the middle of a tornado so I got in my car and drove the 8 or 10 blocks to my sister's house and watched it there. People definately drive crazy in a tornado, I was actually more worried about getting in a wreck with a crazed person than actually getting hit by the tornadoes.
And then there was a second warning at about 1 am which I decided to just stay in my 2nd story apartment, but I did open my blinds to watch. I almost thought that I had made a wrong choice when all of a sudden a "wall cloud" hit. This is what it was like from my window, clear still and then all at once wind and tons of rain I thought the house was going to go because it definately rumbled from all that wind at once! It was enough to make me sit up and bed and stick my leg out to decide weather or not I should flip my matress over on top of me. I decided against it.
And then there was a second warning at about 1 am which I decided to just stay in my 2nd story apartment, but I did open my blinds to watch. I almost thought that I had made a wrong choice when all of a sudden a "wall cloud" hit. This is what it was like from my window, clear still and then all at once wind and tons of rain I thought the house was going to go because it definately rumbled from all that wind at once! It was enough to make me sit up and bed and stick my leg out to decide weather or not I should flip my matress over on top of me. I decided against it.
Feb 7, 2006
First Day on the Job
Thats right, I got up this morning at 530am to start off my first day at ANPAC (American National Property and Casualty). The place is huge, its in the shape of a pentagon or something, but not quite as big as the pentagon. So basically I sat at a desk all day and coded documents. I met another girl in the same office as I am working who is a temp from Penmac, but not anymore because she got hired. Anyway, mine is supposed to be just a temp job and thats it, so we will see.
On another note, when I was in the bath tonight, I looked at my bottle of Shampoo and noticed that it had a very weird word on it. Its a bottle of Pantene Pro V and at the bottom it says in french Hidration Diaria, and when you squeeze it, the bottle makes a similar noise.
Lastly, before I go off to bed, I have a phone now - but if you want the number you are going to have to call little Grace because I cannot remember it. I would say leave a message, but I have no answering service and I'm never at home except for sometimes in the evenings, and then I'm usually on the internet. So if you want to call me email me about a day in advance what time so I'll know when to expect your call. jk :)
On another note, when I was in the bath tonight, I looked at my bottle of Shampoo and noticed that it had a very weird word on it. Its a bottle of Pantene Pro V and at the bottom it says in french Hidration Diaria, and when you squeeze it, the bottle makes a similar noise.
Lastly, before I go off to bed, I have a phone now - but if you want the number you are going to have to call little Grace because I cannot remember it. I would say leave a message, but I have no answering service and I'm never at home except for sometimes in the evenings, and then I'm usually on the internet. So if you want to call me email me about a day in advance what time so I'll know when to expect your call. jk :)
Jan 21, 2006
People for lawnmowers as main mode of Transportation
Well, I'm finished with my painting, and I like it-mostly.
This morning on my way downtown I saw an elderly man riding down main street on his lawnmower in the middle of winter. He was bundled up and had a sack of something on his arm like he'd just been shopping.
last night at work there was all kinds of drama, The TC actually lost money last year and the exec. chef is thinking seriously about leaving as he has his resume out there. In my opinion (and everyone else's), the whole place would be better if he left and someone wrote a manual for the newbies and actually enforced the rules.
At the mudhouse when you order they give you UNO cards on a little stand, and this little girl is holding the sevens saying, "This is number two, This is number two!" over and over again.
I need to go track down lil' sis now and talk to her about stuff such as the utilities.
This morning on my way downtown I saw an elderly man riding down main street on his lawnmower in the middle of winter. He was bundled up and had a sack of something on his arm like he'd just been shopping.
last night at work there was all kinds of drama, The TC actually lost money last year and the exec. chef is thinking seriously about leaving as he has his resume out there. In my opinion (and everyone else's), the whole place would be better if he left and someone wrote a manual for the newbies and actually enforced the rules.
At the mudhouse when you order they give you UNO cards on a little stand, and this little girl is holding the sevens saying, "This is number two, This is number two!" over and over again.
I need to go track down lil' sis now and talk to her about stuff such as the utilities.
Jan 20, 2006
Update
I'm at the mudhouse right now emailing a resume to penmac, they were interested in putting me in a clerical position in town as a receptionist. I learned I type 40+ wpm and my microsoft word skills are good. :)
I got in the mood to do a painting last week and now its sitting up against my wall, I'm not sure if I like the whole of it yet (Gestalt) the message is good though.
I picked up some forms from the Keyes Gallery, one for Granny, one for Kate Corley, and one for Sara Terrill hopefully I will see them soon. The owner of the gallery I'll just call her Mrs. Keyes said that she doesn't like to criticize anyone's work or tell them its not good enough, she told me of her first experience of putting her work in a gallery and said that, "boy if they say anything bad, I'm just going to deck em' " was her though and feeling about it. She also said that sometimes people just need a little nudge to get their work out there.
I got in the mood to do a painting last week and now its sitting up against my wall, I'm not sure if I like the whole of it yet (Gestalt) the message is good though.
I picked up some forms from the Keyes Gallery, one for Granny, one for Kate Corley, and one for Sara Terrill hopefully I will see them soon. The owner of the gallery I'll just call her Mrs. Keyes said that she doesn't like to criticize anyone's work or tell them its not good enough, she told me of her first experience of putting her work in a gallery and said that, "boy if they say anything bad, I'm just going to deck em' " was her though and feeling about it. She also said that sometimes people just need a little nudge to get their work out there.
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