Standing in the Balance

I momentarily find myself standing on the balance of believing. It is the same place where an agnostic would stand but the difference is I actually do care about whether there is or is not a God. This is something that could never be proven one way or another, The closest we can come is to try to find an explanation for the existence of the universe. Is it Big Bang, or Creator, Microevolution or Macroevolution?
I want to believe that there is a creator, and that somewhere in there he actually cares about us, more than just a kid watching an ant farm.
I would like to believe that every animal was created, and then evolved in it's own species, to where it is today. That is T. Huxley's contribution to evolution called microevolution. I also find this the most emperical way of thinking, since currently there are no records of cross special jumps in fossil form.
I find that there is a huge intellectual backwater existing about these theories, since off of one hinges Christianity, and many other world religions, and off of the other atheism. I am not concerned about proving right any religion, just the existance or belief in something greater than ourselves.
I also think that energy is interesting, that almost mystical force which holds us all together. Without energy, or these little ions that are attracted to each other, we would fall apart and not just we, everything. We are constantly energetically wrapped up with the world and all of the rest of existance, these little ions, constantly being attracted to everything and everyone else. In theory there isn't a person out there whom we have not shared this energy with.
I also want to believe in freedom, or basically free will. I find that a lot of people are wrapped up in trying to find thier own meanings, but for some reason think that meaning comes from a source outside of themselves. These people are constantly looking for others to guide them to this meaning, instead of searching their own hearts.